Who I am

This will hopefully be a comical, uplifting, positive chronicling of my journey through kidney failure, dialysis, and transplant from my perspective. I have to believe that God has allowed me to go through this without a miraculous healing so that his Grace in my life might strengthen others, so I am going to put my story out there for whoever it may help. I thought I would start with a short narrative of who I am before the tedium of kidney dialysis, and the easiest way to do that is to give you a short piece of a journal entry that speaks to that specific question......

"Who Am I.....

I am a Christian. No, not the person with a fish bumper sticker and a bar tab. The kind who teaches his 2 year old to pray when he is scared at night because God is the first line of help in any situation. The kind who believes a heartfelt prayer over a sick child is more powerful than a team of doctors. The kind who is in church every Sunday, not because of importance to be seen and social, but because he truly believes that his life is spectacularly blessed of God and he must give praise for it. 

I am a husband. No, not a man with a ring and responsibilities. A man who truly understands the word smitten. A man who understands a Love that runs so deep you ache in places without a name. A man who is no longer his own, but is two flesh become one and who deeply desired to sacrifice whatever it takes to supply his love with all he can. 

I am a daddy. No, not a tired father, but a man who no longer knows fear, pain, or death if it means my child will live a better life. A man who can now understand gladly giving up life it means my child will live a fuller one. A man who knows  the fear of failure to be the man God called me to be so that my children will know Him and know His power. A man who knows the gut-wrenching agony of a sick child and the unfathomable joy of a child's laughter as it echos through your soul. 

I am a man of hope. No, not for wealth, power, or fame. I hope for strength. God called me to lead my family. I hope to never lose faith, to mirror God's love and strength to my family that my children will know God's power and peace in their lives. Strength to that hard times and trials will not overpower me so that my children will never see doubt. I hope for faith. Not the faith that believes my well-funded bank account will suffice my needs, but faith that writes "Lo, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil". Faith that leaves an indelible on a child that leaves no room for doubt, the kind of impression my father left with me. I hope for peace. Not an afternoon at home with no arguing, but a deep-seeded peace that soaks into my families souls and nourishes a trust in God that grows into a lifelong hedge of protection against the assault of the world. And I hope for the continued work of the Potter's hand. I hope for God to continue to help me become the Christian, husband, and father he saw in me when he first formed me. Make me into the vessel you need me to be to reach the full potential you filled me with. These are my hopes and dreams."