Let me first start off by saying "sorry It's been so long since I posted" since that seem to be the obligatory thing to say. Truth is, kidney failure seems to put things in perspective and blogging, while I do feel is important to let people know what is going on, is a far second to spending precious time with my family nowadays. I get a lot of questions about how "everything is going", so I will start with a quick synopsis of the medical stuff. As of now, 4 out of 5 of my voluntary donors have been ruled out as possible candidates. While these folks will not be giving me a kidney, in my mind, it is as if you have already had the surgery just by being tested. I pray that God will bless you as though the surgery was already a success. I am still on the list, coming up on a full year now. Average wait time is 2-3 years, so I am well on my way. Dialysis is still going well, doing it all on my own through the day. All my reading seem to be doing well, not much fatigue issues, still working and riding my bike (though much slower than I would like).
That being said, one of the biggest questions that I seem to get is really an unspoken question. It is the question in the eyes of my fellow Christians and family that do not understand why God hasn't miraculously healed me yet. That is what we believe...right? I know I always did. I will admit, to be honest, I struggled with this. Why are you not healing me?! I answered this, or rather, God answered this question in a previous blog entitled "God...why?" which you can read below. However, I have had a few further revelations since that post. One night, while I was reading about Abraham, I feel like God gave me an insight not previously seen. He had promised Abraham that he would be the father of many nations. Then, he asked him to take his son to the top of the mountain to sacrifice him. As he was climbing that mountain, Issac kept asking him where the sacrifice was. He told him that God would provide. It suddenly struck me that God had already promised to keep me and that I was going to be fine. I am now walking up the mountain towards his already supplied provision. My job is to keep my faith and keep walking. The rest is up to him. And just imagine the view from the top.
Since I have been a Christian, I have always asked God to make me into the person, father, husband, and therapist he envisioned when he formed me. While this is hard to say, I was not that person. Before this trial, I had become entitled and had started to focus on things that didn't matter. I would never say that I am glad that I have gone through kidney failure, but I see now how God is changing me through this trial. I am occasionally getting glimpses of the man God is forming me into and I like him much better. Truth is, I would never have been able to change myself or allow Him to change me without being being broken down first. I'm beginning to see that God is more concerned with healing the really important issues in my life....greed, pride, selfishness. Kidney failure, to Him, is just a physical ailment that was conquered with the stripes on his back at the cross. He is doing a much greater work than that in my life and I can't wait to see where He is taking me. So, to answer the question of how I am doing, I am doing great. I would encourage my friends and family that are going through something difficult to ask God to give you a glimpse of how he is going to "turn all things to the good of those who love him". You might just get a glimpse of the wondrous plan He has for you.....I know I did.
