Home at last

I thoroughly expected to post everyday while in the hospital, but to be honest, I was not in the emotional shape to write anything that anyone (including myself) would want to read. I am going to go back through the experience in this blog and there will probably be explicit parts as I want this to be informational for anyone that may be coming down this path themselves.

Thursday 11/14/13

I was up early and walking the halls waiting to be taken down to the holding room. Still no nerves or anxiety, just knew I would be stuck in the bed for a few days and wanted to be up moving as much as possible. Saw Amy for a short minute and saw them take her down for prep. Once they rolled me down, I was still joking with the nurses and Kyla was begging them to drug me so she could tape it and post it. Definitively feeling the "peace that passes understanding" through this AM. This is really the last thing that I remember. Kyla said that they rolled me out and I was still talking to her and my parents, but I don't remember any of that. The next thing I knew, I was in the ICU room and begging for something to drink. My throat hurt worse than anything else did. I was apparently not supposed to have anything until the next day, but my wonderful nurse supervisor Josh Barnes called the MD and got me approved for some clear liquid. He even went down himself and got me a sweet tea from the cafeteria. It turns out that he lives on our road a couple miles away. What a Godsend for us that night. Our regular nurse was also wonderful and took wonderful care of us all night. Kyla has a wonderful video of the aftermath of all of this with me begging for water. I even offered the nurse money and to get up and "dance a jig" if she would get me something to drink. She will probably post the video of this soon. 

When I did awake in ICU, apparently I would say nothing else but that I wanted Kyla over and over. The nurses had to go get her and told her I just kept asking for her. I remember none of this, but I do know that I have been blessed with a wonderful and loving wife that always help to hold me up in my times of weakness. She is definitely one of the greatest blessings in my life and I am so appreciative of her. 

The rest of the night was mostly sleepless, not so much because of pain, but because of constant checking, poking, prodding every hour. 

11/15/13

As I awoke on the next morning, I was much more aware of all the lines in place. I had, obviously, a new long incision that curves down my right side and around my dialysis tube and it is closed with staples. I also had a blood drain placed in near the kidney that drains all the extra blood that pools around the new kidney. I also had a Foley catheter in place and an IV in my right arm. They also put in a central line in the right jugular to be able to take blood easier and run in meds quicker.

I had a pain pump placed so I could hit a button and get pain meds when I needed it, but I was really not using it very much. The pain was really not too bad still and I was able to get up myself and move to the recliner unassisted that morning. At this point, I was feeling pretty good and thinking that I would cruise through this transplant thing. We spent the morning in ICU and has all my levels checked. I was able to put out 10 liters of fluid with my new kidney and everyone said that the kidney was acting like it was made for me. The doctors said it even started putting out urine when they hooked up the blood supply and essentially peed on the table. It is really miraculous. Amy said she felt like God told her to give me this kidney and then she went to be tested and ended up being the only match out of all my friends and family to be tested. We are not siblings and barely knew each other, but it was as if this kidney was always meant for me. I read an author once that said God gave him a dream about his favorite trees in his yard. He said he saw a man walking along and he stopped and planted some seeds and continued to walk away. God told him that he sent that man to plant those trees the Century before because he knew he would love them now. I love the idea that God may have placed that kidney and blessed Amy even before I was born to take care of me. Isn't that just like God. He took care of the problem before I was even born or aware there was a problem. I wonder how many of our problems are that way. I wonder if our faith would function differently if we could see the truth in it's entirety. 

I made my way up to the 11th floor to my regular floor room that afternoon. I got settled and continued to be able to walk around the room and to the recliner on my own and was doing well. And then it happened.....

that night, my pain came on quickly and strongly. I had not given a pain scale over a 2/10 since the surgery, it was now 8/10. When I tried to move, my breath would be taken away. Lying in the bed, I felt so hot I couldn't rest, I asked for a cold cloth to cool off. My blood pressure spiked to 180/90 and my pulse went to 130. My temperature rose to over a 100. I felt like I was dying. Life essentially dropped a ton of Kryptonite on my delusion of being Superman and it came crashing to pieces. As the night dragged on like this, my mind worked out all kinds of stories. I was convinced that my kidney was rejecting and I was going to die. All my faith was for naught and no one would ever be blessed or helped by my story. This was one of the lowest points in my life. Thankfully, I was only tested for a short time before my doctor came in to talk to me. I really believe that I was purposed to have Dr. Rogers as my transplant doctor and he knew exactly what to say. He assured me that kidneys don't reject that quickly and that everything was normal. On top of that, my levels were essentially back to normal levels on the second day and that was extremely quick. He told me that I was used to being Superman and this was just harder than usual and that the second day was always the hardest and that it would be better soon. 

Sure enough, by lunch I was once again feeling much better and talking about going home. My temperature came back to normal, my blood pressure went back to normal, and my pain came back to normal levels. I was changed from the pain pump to oral meds and taken off the IV fluids. This in itself was a bonus for me. I was able to clean up and be detached from some lines. The rest of the night was uneventful. We watched some movies and played some cards. Kyla went back to her hotel and I slept an hour or so in the bed, but it was too hot in the bed so I got up and watched some tv in the recliner. 

11/16/13

Md came to check on me and I requested to please be Discharged so I could see my babies and get some rest in my own bed. All my lines were removed and all I had to do was clear my bladder three times with US testing to prove it was clearing. Well, this proved to be a problem. I was passing plenty of urine, but I continued to hold extra in the bladder. By 4, I was really beginning to be down again, but I decided to hold off on pain meds to help clear better. At 6, I cleared a lot of urine, but still had some left, but the nurse said she thought I would be fine and called the MD to see. He decided to let me go home....hooray! There is no medicine in the world like the hugs from your children and the feel of your own bed. 

11/17/13

Today I feel good. I am still taking half of my pain prescription, but my pain is really just some soreness. It really isn't bad. I have been in the shower and even outside with the kids to walk around some. Everything still continues to look like it is going well. I will be facing quite a bit more than I knew to expect. I will be going back to the clinic twice this week and probably be having both the blood drain and the dialysis tube removed. This will be a procedure that requires recovery. In one month, I will be having a biopsy in which they will take a small piece of the new kidney out to make sure it isn't rejecting. Again, this will be a procedure that I will have to recover from. In 6 weeks, they will have to remove a splint that was put in connecting the new kidney to my bladder. Again, procedure....recovery. All in all, I am doing well and feeling pretty good. I am amazed at God's love and Grace and the amazing support from all our family and friends. I now hope that God will use my story and life to help uplift others and give hope to others. Continue to pray for our family, we still have a lot to face, but we seem to be coming out of the darkness now. 

Transplant T-12 hours

Checked into Baptist today to get ready for transplant tomorrow.
Met with admissions to get paper work in order. Transferred to outpatient day room. Had EKG of heart, blood tests (17 vials), x-ray of lungs. Met with transplant team; surgeon and surgical fellow, anesthesia and fellows, dialysis nursing staff.
Saw Amy for a while in her room down the hall.

All tests came back good. Cleared for take off....or put in, I guess.

Did my last dialysis exchange tonight and I am now empty for the first time in a couple years. I feel 5 pounds lighter...literally.

I am still at complete peace and feel at ease about the entire process. I'm having no real fears or anxieties tonight, just ready to get to the next step. Hard to explain, but it feels like the doorway to the next BIG chapter in our lives and I can't wait to see what God has in store for us.

Thank you all for all your support of our family in this time. I can't tell you how much it means to us.

I'll try to continue to post each day how things are going, but if I can't post again tomorrow, Kyla will be posting each day on our family site.

Transplant Day (T-minus 2)

Two Days until my transplant. This is the last day I will be at home with the kids, so I am spending it playing with them and making sure all the little things around the house are done that will need to be done in the next couple weeks. Lots of little errands and such.

I am still feeling at peace. No real anxiety or worry at this point. I really just feel ready to get to the next phase....recovery.

I will try to post each day as they come, please bear with me as I don't take medications well and may not be up to posting early on. Our family page, however, will probably be updated regularly by Kyla.

Keep my kids in mind over the next week or so. They are used to Daddy being home everyday and Lincoln is old enough to know something big is happening. I have tried to explain to him as best I can, but I know being separated from me for a week will be hard.

Thanks to everyone who has been so supportive of our family in the days and weeks running up to this transplant, we have truly been overwhelmed.

Shark bite or gored by bull? vote now.

As of my last call to Baptist, 5 of 6 packets of possible donors had been ruled out. The average wait time for the list is 2-3 years and I was rapidly approaching 2. My hope and faith in a living donor was quickly diminishing. And as is often the story, when my faith had been stretched to near breaking, God came through in a big way.  The last person tested was a patient of mine who I only saw for a few visits and had asked if she could be tested. This person barely knew me, had no previous connection with me, and had no obligation for such a heroic act towards me. I gladly gave her a packet and never really thought anything else about it. I got the call last month that my last possible donor was a match and the transplant has been scheduled for November 14th. It always amazes me how God will always work things out, even if it means bringing someone into your life to bring the miracle that you are waiting for. I would ask that God would bless this person "according to their works" as she is literally saving my life by a HUGE sacrifice on her part. She is giving me the opportunity to be there for my family and my kids for a long, long time. For all the media who tell us how bad the human race is on the news every night, I believe that there is still the power to change lives in each of us. I hope that I can take this gift and do just that.

I have also been blessed by yet another patient who owns Texas Roadhouse on LR Blvd in Hickory. She has asked if she could do a fundraiser before my surgery and this will take place on November 3rd. Again, every need is always met and I am so humbled by the amount of support and love that I have been given my all those around me.

I will be working my last day on November 8th and will be admitted to Baptist Hospital on November 13th for final testing and my transplant will take place on November 14th. I'm told that if all goes well, I will be able to come home sometime early the next week. I should be out of work 8-12 weeks. I will have to make fairly constant trips back and forth to Baptist after the transplant (2-3 times per week) for the first couple months and then down to 1 time a month for around 6 months. As I will be out of work and probably going stir crazy, I will try to post updates fairly regularly.

As for me, I am at peace with this endeavor. God kept me 3 years ago when I was hit by a car and came out unscathed, even though I had the bone mass of a 90 year old due to kidney failure. He has not only been with me throughout my diagnosis and dialysis, but has used it to grow me and change me into a better person. He is still working and I am excited to see where he will take me. My goals for recovery are simple. I want my story to be an inspiration to others to what God can do in a life and what he can accomplish. I want others to feel that they too can do anything that God lays on their hearts to do, no matter the situation. I want to be "more than  a conqueror" over this situation. With that, if anyone reading this blog has questions about kidney failure, dialysis, etc; please let me know. My email address is two21bakerst@yahoo.com and I am on facebook.

Lastly, after my surgery, I will have about a 7 inch scar on one side of my abdomen. I am torn between the story that I was bitten by a shark while surfing of the coast of Australia or gored by a bull in Pamplona. I am taking votes now.

from broken pot to work of art

Let me first start off by saying "sorry It's been so long since I posted" since that seem to be the obligatory thing to say. Truth is, kidney failure seems to put things in perspective and blogging, while I do feel is important to let people know what is going on, is a far second to spending precious time with my family nowadays. I get a lot of questions about how "everything is going", so I will start with a quick synopsis of the medical stuff. As of now, 4 out of 5 of my voluntary donors have been ruled out as possible candidates. While these folks will not be giving me a kidney, in my mind, it is as if you have already had the surgery just by being tested. I pray that God will bless you as though the surgery was already a success. I am still on the list, coming up on a full year now. Average wait time is 2-3 years, so I am well on my way. Dialysis is still going well, doing it all on my own through the day. All my reading seem to be doing well, not much fatigue issues, still working and riding my bike (though much slower than I would like).

That being said, one of the biggest questions that I seem to get is really an unspoken question. It is the question in the eyes of my fellow Christians and family that do not understand why God hasn't miraculously healed me yet. That is what we believe...right? I know I always did. I will admit, to be honest, I struggled with this. Why are you not healing me?! I answered this, or rather, God answered this question in a previous blog entitled "God...why?" which you can read below. However, I have had a few further revelations since that post. One night, while I was reading about Abraham, I feel like God gave me an insight not previously seen. He had promised Abraham that he would be the father of many nations. Then, he asked him to take his son to the top of the mountain to sacrifice him. As he was climbing that mountain, Issac kept asking him where the sacrifice was. He told him that God would provide. It suddenly struck me that God had already promised to keep me and that I was going to be fine. I am now walking up the mountain towards his already supplied provision. My job is to keep my faith and keep walking. The rest is up to him. And just imagine the view from the top.

Since I have been a Christian, I have always asked God to make me into the person, father, husband, and therapist he envisioned when he formed me. While this is hard to say, I was not that person. Before this trial, I had become entitled and had started to focus on things that didn't matter. I would never say that I am glad that I have gone through kidney failure, but I see now how God is changing me through this trial. I am occasionally getting glimpses of the man God is forming me into and I like him much better. Truth is, I would never have been able to change myself or allow Him to change me without being being broken down first. I'm beginning to see that God is more concerned with healing the really important issues in my life....greed, pride, selfishness. Kidney failure, to Him, is just a physical ailment that was conquered with the stripes on his back at the cross. He is doing a much greater work than that in my life and I can't wait to see where He is taking me. So, to answer the question of how I am doing, I am doing great. I would encourage my friends and family that are going through something difficult to ask God to give you a glimpse of how he is going to "turn all things to the good of those who love him". You might just get a glimpse of the wondrous plan He has for you.....I know I did.

Phenomenal Cosmic Powers....itty bitty living space

One year ago on Jan. 19th, I was diagnosed with kidney failure. Over the last year, a lot has changed in our lives and God has taught me so much. We take a lot of things in our life for granted, we put too much importance on little things that don't matter, but most importantly, God's presence in our lives gives us more power than most of us ever tap. Our pastor taught on the miracles surrounding Elisha's life a few weeks ago. When he was surrounded by the enemy, he prayed that his servant's eyes would be opened to see the truth and he beheld the circle of angels that surrounded them for protection. These angels blinded the entire army that came against the man of God. In Egypt, one angel of death killed the first born of every Egyptian family in one night. Angels are powerful beings that can carry out the will of God. However, if we read about Jacob wrestling with angel, he fought with this being for an entire night and the angel could not prevail against him. He finally touched the hollow of his hip and put it out of place so that he could escape. While angels are powerful beings that can wipe out an entire army, we as Christians, have more power than that because of God's spirit in us. Think about that. Imagine the power that God has bestowed in our lives. Why do we constantly hear Christians making statements like "Boy, the devil is really fighting me lately" and "I'm just trying to hold on"? We were never meant to merely hold on, we were meant to be "more than conquerors" and "to fly on wings like eagles". 

If I could pass along one message to my friends and family from my last year, it's this....live the life God has given you. Life is going to throw curve balls at you. Bills are going to come that you don't know how you will pay, careers will rise and fall, and kidneys will fail. However, through all of these trials that seem so huge to us, if we could see these through 
God's eyes, we would see that these are just speed bumps in our life. God said "I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jer 29:11" The Almighty Creator of the Universe specifically has plans for your life that can take you to places you never even dreamed, you just have to hold on for the ride. We were called to be salt and light in the world with an imbued power that can "say to the mountain, be thou removed and cast into the sea. Mark 11:23". Let's all start living the lives we were meant to live. 



"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.' We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."--Marianne Williamson

Family and spouse and Mickey's house

We spent another wonderful New Year's Day at Disney world this year. The kids had a blast (ok...so did I). Lincoln was able to ride his first real roller coaster and absolutely loved it. He squealed the whole time and then demanded to get right back on...looks like he will be an adrenaline junkie like his dad. We ate too much, stayed up too late, and tried to accomplish too much everyday; just like you should on vacation! While we were there, we had to convince Lincoln to take a nap during the day to make it through the rest of the day. This was not the easiest task. It would usually involve us telling him "no, we can't stay any longer now, but if you will take a nap, we can come back tonight and stay as long as you want." This would often involve a two year old melt down about staying. We just wanted him to rest so we could have a good rest of the day, but he couldn't see it that way. He was fixated on getting what he wanted right then, even though it wasn't what was better for him. I couldn't help seeing the similarities in Acts 3 when Peter and John were asked by the beggar at the gate Beautiful for alms. "Silver and Gold have I none, but what I have I freely give, Arise and walk." There are three important parts to this answer. The first is the answer no, I will not give you what you ask. The next, and possibly the most important, is but. Then, there is a demand for a action that will lead to a better gift. Sounds a lot like our situation with Lincoln, but more importantly, I wonder about myself as a "child" of God. I wonder how many times God has answered my prayers with "no, but" and all I heard was the no. How many blessings have I missed by not following the demands of God after the "but"? After all, He promised to open the floodgates of Heaven and pour out blessings that we could not contain.
My New Year's Resolution for 2013 is to not miss the "buts" that God gives me, but to accept both his demands for me and the blessings that he has in store for me.
Happy New Year's for all my family and friends, I hope that God's blessings fall on each of you this year.

On the kidney transplant front, I'm still awaiting the final testing from one of my living donors. I ask my friends and family to pray for these folks. God said that what you do for the least of these, you do for me. He also promised to return their blessing a hundred fold. While I'm not sure what a hundred fold return on a kidney is, I pray Lord, let it be.

Anthony

God......why?

Dear God,

     Why? In simply asking this question I feel like I am failing you. I have tried to keep my faith and trust in you at all times like I know I should, but the truth is.....sometimes fear and doubt are so strong that they push their way into my mind and I struggle. I don't understand these circumstances sometimes. I have always prayed that you would make me into the man, husband, and father that you envisioned me to be when you created me, but now I feel like a broken down version of all of those. I have had to give up my triathlon competitions......I am unable to go swimming with my son.....I am constantly having to take time to do dialysis instead of all the list of things a husband and father should be doing through the day. When I was first in the hospital and they were running tests, I lost my faith and strength. I sat shivering with fear on what my future would hold....and I couldn't feel you. I managed to get my nerves under control and focus on what the plan would be and tried to show my faith once the diagnosis came....and I felt almost numb...an unnerving calm even. I continued to show my faith to the nurses at the dialysis clinic and assured them that my God was in control and would heal me.....but my  healing has not come. I have been able to continue to work and do the job I feel you called me to, but it is so hard to have to continuously worry about how I will get all my dialysis treatments done and pay all the bills and still keep Kyla at home with the kids. They are growing up so sweet and special. I know they are truly a gift from you and I am so thankful, but I wonder about the effect that watching their father have to constantly take medication and do dialysis will have on their peace of mind. I also worry about my father and his peace of mind. I have never seen him so concerned about me or question God's healing before. He is a spiritual giant, but he is also struggling with me not being immediately healed with prayer. Sometimes I just wonder if I have it in me to continue to hold on to my faith for this journey, it seems so hard. I want to be the man and father you planned for me to be, but I just can't understand.........but I will continue to trust that you know my future and still hold it in your hand.

                                                                                                         Your struggling son,
                                                                                                          Anthony

Dear Anthony,

       Oh son, how I love you. I made you with a human spirit that is weak and questioning so that my grace and strength could be made perfect in you. I am neither upset or disappointed in you, but I am proud of all that you are.  I call you my child because much like a child, your view is often limited. When your son had to have an injection to protect him, he didn't understand and it broke your heart when he cried. However, you knew that the result would be for his benefit. I have also wept at your pain and fear, but I know the plans I have for you. I am still molding you into the child I created you to be for me. I allowed you to train and race in triathlons not only because you were passionate about it (i planted that passion), but it also allowed your body to counteract the effects of the kidney failure for a long time. I knew that if you were diagnosed earlier, you would never have found the courage to long for and try for Aspen. If you remember, it wasn't long after you found out I was sending her to you that you were diagnosed. I didn't want you to miss out on her blessing in your life. You will return to those passions, but for now, you do not have those distractions in your life and are able to focus on your children. You will always cherish this time with them. When you were laying shivering in the hospital, I was trying to speak to you in my still small voice, but fear had made you unable to hear me. Therefore, I crawled into bed with you and held you until you finally felt my calm wash over you. You were not numb, but were experiencing the peace that passes your understanding. My strength was holding you up when you were given the diagnosis and were able to focus on what my plan would be for you. Though you feel that not getting an immediate healing was a failure in the nurses eyes, you never saw the strength that was passed into some of those nurses lives who are also my children. The faith that you showed was a small seed that I was able to grow miracles out of in other people's lives, though you will never see those fruits until you come to be with me in Heaven. Your children do not fear the future because of your life, on the contrary, they draw strength and build their faith on the building blocks that you give them everyday when you pray with them and teach them about me. Lincoln wakes in the morning singing because my hand is on his life and my peace runs throughout his soul. The foundation that you have begun in your children's lives will be the foundation that I continue to build on until they are all that I have planned for them. Your father will have the peace of mind when he comes to be with me that comes with having seen his son's faith at work and he will witness my hand in your family's life in a way that few fathers ever get to see. I will not only build your family's faith, but his as well. You have continued to be able to do the work that I sat before you on my strength, not yours. I will continue to hold you up and strengthen you to continue to do the job I called you to do. I have promised you that I would not only meet your needs, but I would poor out blessings on you according to my riches in Heaven. My blessings have already been on their way to you since before you knew there was a problem. I know the plans I have for you, and they are good. You will be overwhelmed with the works that I'm going to do in your life, and we are almost over the mountain. Remember, the last few turns at the top of the mountain are usually the hardest, but it's also the best views. I will always be holding you in my arms, even when you can't feel it. When you pray, I will always be there beside you, listening to every word, and though you may not understand the answer or the timing, my wisdom is beyond your understanding. Lastly son, I promised you that though sorrow lasts through the night, Joy comes in the morning... and the horizon is beginning to glow.

                                                                                                                Your loving Heavenly Father,
                                                                                                                 God

Thanksgiving updates

Everyone has been doing the "What I'm thankful for" during November, and even though it's the beginning of December, I'd thought I'd list out a few things I'm thankful for.
First, I'm thankful for my kidney failure. No, I'm not going to say the whole "I'm thankful for this disease because it has shown me my inner strength or given me new perspective." I hate the whole idea and aspect of this issue and all the details of daily dialysis. However, when my family, and especially my kids, are sick or going through something like this, I often tell God that I wish he would have let me go through it and not my family. Therefore, I have to be thankful that if someone was going to face this in my family, that it was me.
I'm thankful for my relationship with God. Throughout this ordeal, he has given me strength and held me up. I have been at peace and felt his hand at work in every step of this journey and I continue to have faith that my life has a purpose and meaning. The apostle Paul went through many trials in his life, but God used those trials to bring increased faith and strength to others.
I'm thankful for my wonderful family, both immediate and extended. Our family has become so precious to me and is my strength and joy. I realize now that I only knew a very small view of true happiness before.
I'm thankful for the human spirit that is still alive and well all around me. I have had people that only know my family from church that have offered a kidney to me. I have had a nurse at my dialysis clinic offer a kidney to me when she has only known me a few months. I have had friends from church offer to give a kidney. It is one of the most humbling experiences in my life to be in a position to need someone to save your life and really have no way of doing it yourself.

And now for a quick update on my present situation.....if you aren't really interested in the details, please skip this part of the post.....

My possible donors are being tested. I have three possibilities at this point and if one of those are a match, I may be able to have a transplant in the next few months. Otherwise, I will have to await a kidney from the list. Dialysis at home is going well and all my levels have continued to be good. I am still able to work full time and work is great. I did have a kidney stone a few weeks ago that took me to the ER. thank goodness for dilaudid.....didn't feel anything for a few good hours.

Lastly, I wanted to thank all my friends and family for their prayers and well wishes. Please continue to remember me and my family, as well as the families of my possible donors. I wish everyone the best Christmas possible and hope that everyone stays healthy and can find the true joy of Christmas this year.

Immediate Job Opening

Anthony Inc. is pleased to announce the immediate opening in our kidney dept. Upon my last assessment of kidney function, my current staff were only doing 5% of their job duties, therefore, they have been terminated effective immediately. I will be looking to fill that position ASAP. Hours will be 24/7/365. No PTO and no Holidays. Job duties include handling and disposing of all liquid waste products. Please send all inquiries and resumes to Wake Forest Baptist Medical Center Transplant Team.

Poked, Prodded, and Passed for Transplant

Section 1.
To start this post off, I need to first give a short explanation of why this testing is being done. If you are not interested in the medical part of this post, please proceed to section 2. Once I receive a kidney, I will be immuno suppressed, meaning I will take medicine to decrease my immune response so I will not reject the kidney. This means that any illness that I may have now and not know about will go unchecked, so if I had cancer and didn't know it, it would explode unchecked. Therefore, I have to undergo testing for every possible problem. This was my August 7th.

Section 2.
The Testing.....

Trans-thoracic Echo-cardiogram........proof that I do, in fact, have not just a heart, but a good heart. For all my patients that say that I don't, "I told you so!!"

Abdominal Ultrasound......proved that I am a gutsy guy.

Chest X-ray.....Lungs of a champion, bones of a weak old man. (thanks kidney failure and hyperparathyroidism).

18 vials of blood for blood work......quickest way to lose a few pounds, though not the easiest.

Meeting with social worker for psychological work-up........(pause for all my friends to laugh and make jokes about my psychological idiosyncracies)......was told "you would be a great candidate for transplant, but I gather you will try to push yourself too hard and you will need to learn to rest and heal"......hahahaha.......then I asked how long I would have to be off the bike and when could I go back to work. In one ear and out the other.

Meeting with the MD.......passed. Md feels I would be an easy transplant. Tells me I should consider trying out for transplant Olympics afterwards. ( http://www.transplantgamesofamerica.org/ ). If you are not a donor, you can sign up on this website to become a donor upon death in your state. You could save multiple lives, please give this some serious thought, and check out my other post labeled Dear organ donor if you are.

Md told RN to fast track my file to get me into the transplant meeting on Friday, so as of August 10, I should officially be on the transplant list.

Section 3.
For anyone who has been watching the Olympics on TV, I could be the next Usain Bolt or Bradley Wiggins (for the transplant Olympics that is). So get your tickets now. This will probably be my post-transplant goal and you could know an Olympian.

Dear organ donor.....

Dear organ donor,
I do not know you, but you saved my life. I am writing this before a deadly accident has befallen you, but it will. You will die, but in that death, you will save my life. You will give my children a father to grow up with, you will give my wife her husband for a few more good years, you will give my parents their child for a while longer. I want you to know that I do not wish this on your life, but I will try to make your sacrifice worth it. I will live my life to the fullest for the both of us. I will try to find courage to attempt what I fear I cannot do, I will look for the will power to keep going when there is no way to do so, I will try to make my life all the God would have me to be without losing heart. I want to thank you now before it is too late. A simple decision to be an organ donor, while probably an afterthought at the time, will save my life in the future. I want to thank your family, for while my family will be celebrating my life, your family will be mourning your loss. I will probably never know who you are, but maybe you will somehow stumble across my humble blog and read this. If you are an organ donor, then this blog is for you. I may not receive life from you, but someone will. From all of us awaiting a hero, thank you.

I'm sorry....my kidneys are what???

So, the story. I will make this one quick. Jan 18- I am back at work from a wonderful Disney vacation over New Years, but having some occasional random nausea. I get that sometimes from dealing with insurance companies, but this was different. I was also more tired than the usual, meaning I was almost too tired to walk to the break room for chocolate. So, I called my friendly physician and asked if I might have mono, I've heard you can get that from kissing strange people (sorry Mickey Mouse). He said to come in at lunch and let him get a blood sample to see. Jan 19- my friendly physician calls to say I am being admitted to the hospital, please leave work immediately. Now I would usually have no problems leaving work immediately, but going to the hospital is not the way I want to do that. Fast forward a few hours, and I'm in a room being told by the leading nephrologist that I am in kidney failure and will need a transplant. Jan 20- I have a central line placed into my heart and have my first hemodialysis. Jan 21- second hemodialysis and demand DC from hospital to go home.

By the way, Hemodialysis = have the flu and run 10 miles and then find out that you forgot a huge project due tomorrow at work....that would be close to the physical and mental feeling of that. Hemodialysis is my life for 3 weeks until I can get a cath placed into my abdomen to allow me to run fluid in and out of my abdominal cavity and perform dialysis by using osmosis. This is similar to doing a radiator flush and it gives me 3 days a week of my life back. I began on a machine that did this for me at night while I sleep. Well, while normal people sleep. This is apparently the way most kidney failure patients like to do this, however, this requires an air compressor in a machine to kick on and drain/fill fluids 5 times through the night. For a light sleeper such as myself, this was not a fun situation either. So, I change to continuous exchanges. This means I drain and refill 4 times a day. Positives- I can exchange when convenient for me and I sleep through the night. Negatives- I carry 2 liters of fluid in my abdominal cavity at all times, meaning my working as a body double for Matthew and Channing in Magic Mike has come to an end.
So, that is where my current situation lies. I go in a couple days (Aug 7th, the day after my birthday) for a day of testing (much like being probed by Alien life forms and having your blood drained). They will image every part of my body and take 18 vials of blood, and no, that is not a typo. If all looks good, they will put me on the official list to await someone else's tragedy to afford me a kidney and they can start to test the hero's who have offered to be a living donor and save my life.

I will try to keep some quick updates as to where I am at on this journey, and I welcome any comments and questions that anyone might have. However, I want this blog to be a positive experience for everyone, so if you want to argue the finer points of religion, theology, or apologetics, you can private message me.

Who I am

This will hopefully be a comical, uplifting, positive chronicling of my journey through kidney failure, dialysis, and transplant from my perspective. I have to believe that God has allowed me to go through this without a miraculous healing so that his Grace in my life might strengthen others, so I am going to put my story out there for whoever it may help. I thought I would start with a short narrative of who I am before the tedium of kidney dialysis, and the easiest way to do that is to give you a short piece of a journal entry that speaks to that specific question......

"Who Am I.....

I am a Christian. No, not the person with a fish bumper sticker and a bar tab. The kind who teaches his 2 year old to pray when he is scared at night because God is the first line of help in any situation. The kind who believes a heartfelt prayer over a sick child is more powerful than a team of doctors. The kind who is in church every Sunday, not because of importance to be seen and social, but because he truly believes that his life is spectacularly blessed of God and he must give praise for it. 

I am a husband. No, not a man with a ring and responsibilities. A man who truly understands the word smitten. A man who understands a Love that runs so deep you ache in places without a name. A man who is no longer his own, but is two flesh become one and who deeply desired to sacrifice whatever it takes to supply his love with all he can. 

I am a daddy. No, not a tired father, but a man who no longer knows fear, pain, or death if it means my child will live a better life. A man who can now understand gladly giving up life it means my child will live a fuller one. A man who knows  the fear of failure to be the man God called me to be so that my children will know Him and know His power. A man who knows the gut-wrenching agony of a sick child and the unfathomable joy of a child's laughter as it echos through your soul. 

I am a man of hope. No, not for wealth, power, or fame. I hope for strength. God called me to lead my family. I hope to never lose faith, to mirror God's love and strength to my family that my children will know God's power and peace in their lives. Strength to that hard times and trials will not overpower me so that my children will never see doubt. I hope for faith. Not the faith that believes my well-funded bank account will suffice my needs, but faith that writes "Lo, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil". Faith that leaves an indelible on a child that leaves no room for doubt, the kind of impression my father left with me. I hope for peace. Not an afternoon at home with no arguing, but a deep-seeded peace that soaks into my families souls and nourishes a trust in God that grows into a lifelong hedge of protection against the assault of the world. And I hope for the continued work of the Potter's hand. I hope for God to continue to help me become the Christian, husband, and father he saw in me when he first formed me. Make me into the vessel you need me to be to reach the full potential you filled me with. These are my hopes and dreams."